Saturday, November 17, 2012
When I decided to quit smoking I thought about all the different ways I could go about it. I have tried to quit smoking tons of times. I have tried the patch, chantix, cold turkey, and the LiveStrong app. I am sure people have had success with all of these methods, but I haven't. The patch and Chantix give me vivid dreams. Not necessarily scary, but vivid. Also, when using the patch the nicotine addiction is still there, and I don't feel that is helpful for me. The LiveStrong app is nice, you can track your cigarettes you smoke, and set a date to quit. Each time your smoke or have a craving you can track it and it gives you encouraging words, or facts about smoking. This might be a good method for some people, but I just didn't remember to track, or kept pushing my date out further.
Aaron and I both quit smoking a few weeks before our wedding in July. We both made it 5 days, and then for sake of our sanity I gave in. Two people going through nicotine withdrawals while planning a wedding is scary. And I didn't want Aaron to give up. So I refused to let him smoke, dealt with his bad attitude, and tried to stay away from him when I did smoke. Aaron still hasn't had a cigarette since that day we quit in July.
I have been smoking, and I really didn't want to quit. Yes, I know it's bad for me. Yes, I know they cause cancer. Yes, I know I smell bad. And yes, my teeth and breath are probably gross. I still didn't care. That was until little M had something to say about it....
He hated when I went outside to smoke. And the fact that my beautiful, innocent son knew what cigarettes were broke my heart. So I made him a pinky promise that I would quit smoking. That is a big deal for a 4 year old, and this mom.
I have been putting it off. And then 2 weeks ago I said I was going outside, and the sadness I saw in Aaron's eyes and the thoughts of that pinky promise as I sat on my front porch in the cold just broke me.
Cold turkey it was. I smoked my last cigarette while driving to the dentist on Wednesday November 7, 2012 at 6:45 am.
It has been 10 days and I have been mean, crabby, short tempered, I have slept at least 10 hours a night every single night, I have cried, I have eaten some of my feelings, drank chocolate shakes that normally would make me gag, and I would hate to be around me. Despite my mean words, and horrible attitude my husband has remained sweet and caring. He has driven to get me ice cream at random times, wiped my tears, sent me encouraging text messages, and has walked on egg shells to try and make it as easy as possible for me. (Yes, I am the luckiest woman alive.)
Today was a big day for me. I told little M that I quit smoking.
I have stuck to the pinky promise for 10 days and I trusted myself enough to tell him I quit. Am I crabby today?...yes. Do I want a cigarette right now?....Heck yes. Did I cry out of frustration today?....yes, twice.
Did I love the look on my sons face when I told him I quit smoking?.....More than words can say.